We are mostly water. That is what they say. That is what I say as well, though the added support does little to make this fact any more factual. Despite the facts, however, so what?
Does it mean we don’t need to drink much water since we already have so much? This, by the way, is an actual question I have been asked. Does it mean that we are as influenced by the moon as the ocean; which is also mostly water? Another actual question. One more. Does the fact that we are mostly water mean that we need to sweat to purge ourselves of the excess water? That last one wasn’t actually a question but was a weird confabulation of someone I overheard talking in the gym. His heart was in the right place if not his mind
I assure you:
We still need to drink water
The moon has no more pull on us than anything else in the sky
and
In the absence of sweating, we will not pop like an overfilled water balloon.
Nonetheless, we are mostly water but what does that mean?
Juice
Let me explain.
If the zombie apocalypse happens, there might end up being a small faction of zombies that take better care of their corpses than the other zombies and perhaps some of those may even watch what they eat, choosing to dine only on the brains of the grass-fed among us (vegans) or perhaps even buying, bartering, stealing, obtaining juicers. In using said juicer, as all people (post apocalypse or otherwise) they will righteously emit a sigh of contentment after consuming said juice and since they are zombies, presumably what they will be juicing will be us and in doing so, the liquid extracted from us will outweigh the remaining pulp…because, we are mostly water. And furthermore, regardless of the adjective emblazoned on your ass, we are all, in fact, juicy.
Nice Jugs
We are mostly water and this is certainly true of our muscles which is far from a secret as every gym is awash in jug fucks.
What is a jug fuck? A jug fuck is anyone, (always male) that brings with them a gallon jug of water to the gym, Ready to water their muscles so they will grow. The jug, like many things, except the Ab roller in the gym, is doing more than just one thing. Yes the jug holds water and said water will, at some point be consumed but perhaps more importantly it quietly, moistly, communicates something that must be heard. The invisible testimony of the jug is that the owner of said jug takes their hydration and thus their workouts and thus life, very seriously. They are a serious drinker, I mean person. Their muscles are surging with a seriousness rivaled only by that of their bladders.
“Be the change you want to see in the world”
Gandhi
Or
‘Be the beverage container you want to resemble”
Random Jug Fuck
Life is full of choices
Dense City
Perhaps another explanation for the jugs is the confusing and ineffective strive towards homeostasis. This would be the case when guzzling from the jug between trips to the sauna. A practice much like a full-body version of swishing water in your mouth and then spitting it out. A fine practice for mouth wash, never meant to be more than rented but truly confounding for those aiming to both hydrate and vaporize.
I once worked at a gym that had a scale next to a row of treadmills. I watched on countless occasions as patrons would: weigh-in, run, sweat and then weigh themselves again. Despite not sweating fat, (gross) the assumption was always that though it was water lost that the decline on the scale represented not water weight but fat
The reason for both of these practices is of course because though water is a necessity, it is a weighty necessity. Water comes and goes more readily than the bone, muscle and fat that additionally comprise our total mass. Since it does come and go it is often thought of one thing on the way in and another as it is removed. That is to say we are aware we consume water both as part of all liquids and most foods but also as the numbers on the scale go down it is very tempting to assume the loss is not one of water but fat.
Not all the weight we gain or lose is fat. Water is actually the most responsible for all of our natural daily and yes expenditure-based fluctuations. The reality of exercising, weighing and learning that you lost a pound actually means you need to drink an equal amount of water.
Water is quite dense when compared to other naturally occurring substances. A gallon of water at room temperature weighs 8.329 pounds. If you were to lose a gallon’s worth of water, you would need to drink 16 cups of water to replace it. Every pound of water lost means it should be replaced by 1.92 cups of water. Although try telling that to the person that weighed themself both after their run and their time in the sauna.
We are mostly water; except that…..
Some people are mostly fat. The most under-appreciated of all of our organ systems does many things, from creating insulation from the elements be them cold or hard, or both. They regulate hormone production and even store energy for later use. One thing that fat does not do is hold water. Fat is hydrophobic which is a fancy way of explaining why your salad dressing needs to be shaken before serving as the vinegar (old water) and olive oil (Grecian fat) will otherwise separate.
This means that the more fat you have the less water you can hold. This means that men generally have a higher water percentage than women and that water introduced into the body will be flushed out of the body faster in those with higher body fat percentages as it has fewer options for storage; a fact of biology not yet remedied by the availability of bathrooms.
The Dry Bitter End
We are mostly water, well most of us are mostly water; so what, what does that mean?
I mostly don’t know
What I do know is that I once passed out on a plane after a short trip to Las Vegas where I ate little and walked outside a lot as the scorching desert air quietly drank me down.
I was dehydrated and as I attempted to seek refuge in the plane bathroom after I started not feeling well on my trip home, I passed out. I woke up with a lot more leg room spilled onto the floor as I was and started drinking from the cup of orange juice handed to me by a flight attendant. It took many more cups of oj and water before I felt normal again.
Even a modest loss of water, 1-2% can hinder athletic performance. At 3% you will likely begin to get thirsty and possibly fatigued. At as low as 5% you can begin to feel some of the symptoms of dehydration: headache, dizziness, queasiness and fatigue. At 8% you can lose consciousness and at 15 - 25% you can die.
So how can you tell if or how dehydrated you are? Well apart from any of the symptoms mentioned there is no shortage of internet generated tests. For example there is the skin turgor test which involves pinching the skin on the back of your hand and checking to see if the crease remains once un-pinched. There is some logic here based on the hydration of the skin itself but it is imprecise and clearly does not take into account the range of skin elasticity resulting not from hydration but age. There are of course blood and urinalysis tests which would provide the most definitive proof though to truly gauge current hydration levels, results would need to be compared to a baseline since we don’t all hold the same amount of water. Muscle cramps and salt cravings can also be a sign of dehydration though those symptoms speak more to an electrolyte imbalance. However, electrolytes lost through sweating are still exiting your body via water. Muscle cramps are also the first stage of a heat illness. High heat and low water are two heads of the same Gatorade bottle cap and there are only two other stages, chronologically heat exhaustion and heat stroke. The latter of which, if not remedied by rapidly cooling the body, will result in death having converted your skull to a pressure cooker within which your brain has cooked. Zombies, please stop drooling; it’s making everyone around you nervous.
Unscientific as it may sound, the best way for most people to gauge hydration levels is to check out their pee. Clarity and color are important factors with the ideal being very pale and clear, an indication that you have so much water that you are literally pisssing it away. Perhaps if the Vegas hotel toilet had been any color but black, I may have noticed what I was excreting was likely more apple cider than lemonade.
However you lose it, if you don’t replenish your fluid, you will pass out. When you wake-up and no one rehydrates you, maybe you pass out again and eventually if not treated you will die. After that you will be mostly formaldehyde and I guess that’s the point. We are mostly water because it beats the alternative.
So when you drink water, drink once for your health. Drink more if you have been sweating with futility in the humidity or invisibly in the desert and drink again for the zombies that will eventually eat you. Just dont drink right from the jug.