Bigger

In 1988 David Moscow starred in a movie. David’s character did something very interesting in this movie. He grew, overnight, into his co-star; Tom Hanks. A feat made possible by way of Zoltan, a carnival arcade granter of wishes. David’s character, Josh, after feeling rejected by a romantic interest in favor of a more mature looking boy and after being shunned from one of the carnival rides for not meeting the minimum height requirement, wishes for Zoltan to make him big. With the wish granted, the man-child antics ensue. 

Though a charming movie at best and easily eclipsed by Tom Hanks’ more Oscar-worthy efforts, I have always been struck by the specificity of Josh’s wish.  He does not ask to be older, he asks to be bigger.  Perhaps unwilling to chance age alone granting him the size he truly wanted. He asks not to be older but to be big and ends up with both.  

Too old to beat-up those that may have bullied him without being arrested and having grown and aged so fast that his mother thinks he is an intruder and runs him out of the house, his house; older and larger but unchanged mentally, Josh enters the world as a seemingly fully-formed adult. Appearing old enough to pursue all the freedom’s of adulthood but not yet bold enough to do more than overindulging in snack foods.  

Fantastical as it is to have it be granted, the wish itself is not original to the film and is actually a wish made by many, if only to ourselves. From Skeelo to growth hormone; from breast enlargements to penis pumps and pills, young Josh is not alone in his desire to change his body; to make it bigger.

This desire is the sibling of the slightly more popular wish to be smaller if not simply small. From exercise to diet pills, from liposuction to juice cleanses the wish to be smaller has been spoken to many full-length mirrors with far less power to grant them than Zoltan. 

Side note, is there any other object that absorbs more insecure scorn and  or narcissistic gushing than the full length mirror? The full-length has obviously seen a lot but has probably heard even more. 

Though obviously not universal, it is understood that these sibling desires are brother and sister with each echoing the sole mantra of each respective gender. Which begs the question, why does our culture emphasize the importance of both boys and men expanding themselves while girls and women are encouraged to reduce? I fear the answer is both cyclical and ironic. The importance of men being bigger is to help further separate themselves from women. The inverse is also true in regards to women. The greatest and most enduring and abiding insult our culture has cultivated is for someone to possess the attributes of the opposing gender. Sadly, the slight male and bulky female are both targets for second looks at best and violent attacks at worst. 

Taking this into consideration, perhaps Josh’s wish takes on another dimension. Was Josh, given the perceived standards of our society, simply asking to be more male? Please bear in mind that a smoothly waxed actor was not chosen for Big Josh but instead it was the bristled and masculine physique of a barely 30 year old Tom Hanks. 

The pursuit of these gendered ideals makes it easy to filter ambitions to a single word, big or small. But both, even if granted, even if earned by natural, non-invasive means, have consequences. Though no immunity is necessarily granted to the mediums of this world, it is important to acknowledge what is on the other side of solemn wishes made in carnival arcades and dressing rooms alike. 

Some may approach Zoltan with the desire to be less of the sex they are but is there anything as familiar and futile as a boy or girl wanting to be more of what they already are? The boy that wants to be big wants freedom. This is why in every car commercial, the bigger the vehicle the more open deserted space that car is roaming in. Space is freedom, desolation is rugged freedom. And the ultimate freedom, the most comforting freedom is to be free of scorn, judgment and ridicule. For men, in this time and place, masculinity insulates from such threats. The bigger the insulation the better the protection. Josh asks to be big because for boys and even men, the smaller you are, the bigger target you become.

As a man that was once a boy that saw the movie Big and as a slight boy with ambitions of being relieved of such a disappointingly light burden, I too aspired to be big.  Many years and some 100 plus pounds later, here is what Zoltan won’t tell you before he grants your wish. 

There will be part of your back that you can no longer reach. Itches will seek refuge in these areas.

Crawl spaces and under tables will be off limits.

The muscles that get bigger may not always be the muscles you wanted to get bigger. I spent my childhood sitting on my ass wanting a bigger chest only to have my ass inevitably soak up the bulk of my muscular development. 

You will have to buy a new wardrobe. 

You will spend more money on food and or more time making more food.

You will use more soap to wash a bigger body.

People will treat you differently, both in ways that agree and disagree with you.

You may grow reluctant to handle small and delicate things; not because you have grown so large that the world becomes a rabbit in your brutish hands but because the deadlifting and pull-ups and bench pressing will make your hands both strong and also tired and perhaps even uncivilized beyond all negotiates outside of clench and release.

If you fall you will break the things that break your fall.

Strength is measured only one way, by how much you can lift and so by lifting  you will know how strong you are. The world of gray possibility splits into the achromatic binary of lift and unliftable.

You may lose some grace. Any elegance you once possessed will be  flattened under your added weight.

Also you may or may not still see yourself as small or weak.  That doesn’t always go away. 

Unchanged as it may be; an ornament from a smaller tree will appear smaller when adorning a larger one.

We are all confronted with the simple fact that we all take-up space in this world and you can measure that space in a number of ways; physical space, carbon footprint, emotional impact and legacy, teaspoons, French fries indulged, lovers loved, drinks consumed, breaths expelled or followers collected. Are you going to spend the time in that space reflecting on the perception of the amount of space occupied or simply occupy the space in the hopeful pursuit of joy which if truly verified as joy, is undoubtedly one size fits all?

Water Weight

We are mostly water.  That is what they say.  That is what I say as well, though the added support does little to make this fact any more factual.  Despite the facts, however,  so what?

Does it mean we don’t need to drink much water since we already have so much? This, by the way, is an actual question I have been asked.  Does it mean that we are as influenced by the moon as the ocean; which is also mostly water?  Another actual question.  One more. Does the fact that we are mostly water mean that we need to sweat to purge ourselves of the excess water?  That last one wasn’t actually a question but was a weird confabulation of someone I overheard talking in the gym.  His heart was in the right place if not his mind 

I assure you: 

We  still need to drink water

The moon has no more pull on us than anything else in the sky

and

In the absence of sweating, we will not pop like an overfilled water balloon.

Nonetheless, we are mostly water but what does that mean?

Juice

Let me explain.

If the zombie apocalypse happens, there might end up being a small faction of zombies that take better care of their corpses than the other zombies and perhaps some of those may even watch what they eat, choosing to dine only on the brains of the grass-fed among us (vegans) or perhaps even buying, bartering, stealing, obtaining juicers.  In using said juicer, as all people (post apocalypse or otherwise) they will righteously emit a sigh of contentment after consuming said juice and since they are zombies, presumably what they will be juicing will be us and in doing so, the liquid extracted from us will outweigh the remaining pulp…because, we are mostly water. And furthermore, regardless of the adjective emblazoned on your ass, we are all, in fact, juicy.

Nice Jugs

We are mostly water and this is certainly true of our muscles which is far from a secret as every gym is awash in jug fucks.

What is a jug fuck? A jug fuck is anyone, (always male) that brings with them a gallon jug of water to the gym,  Ready to water their muscles so they will grow. The jug, like many things, except the Ab roller in the gym, is doing more than just one thing. Yes the jug holds water and said water will, at some point be consumed but perhaps more importantly it quietly, moistly, communicates something that must be heard. The invisible testimony of the jug is that the owner of said jug takes their hydration and thus their workouts and thus life, very seriously. They are a serious drinker, I mean person.  Their muscles are surging with a seriousness rivaled only by that of their bladders. 

“Be the change you want to see in the world” 

  Gandhi

Or

‘Be the beverage container you want to resemble” 

Random Jug Fuck

Life is full of choices

Dense City

Perhaps another explanation for the jugs is the confusing and ineffective strive towards homeostasis. This would be the case when guzzling from the jug between trips to the sauna. A practice much like a full-body version of swishing water in your mouth and then spitting it out.  A fine practice for mouth wash, never meant to be more than rented but truly confounding for those aiming to both hydrate and vaporize. 

I once worked at a gym that had a scale next to a row of treadmills. I watched on countless occasions as patrons would: weigh-in, run, sweat and then weigh themselves again. Despite not sweating fat, (gross) the assumption was always that though it was water lost that the decline on the scale represented not water weight but fat

The reason for both of these practices is of course because though water is a necessity, it is a weighty necessity. Water comes and goes more readily than the bone, muscle and fat that additionally comprise our total mass. Since it does come and go it is often thought of one thing on the way in and another as it is removed. That is to say we are aware we consume water both as part of all liquids and most foods but also as the numbers on the scale go down it is very tempting to assume the loss is not one of water but fat.

Not all the weight we gain or lose is fat. Water is actually the most responsible for all of our natural daily and yes expenditure-based fluctuations. The reality of exercising, weighing and learning that you lost a pound actually means you need to drink an equal amount of water.

Water is quite dense when compared to other naturally occurring substances. A gallon of water at room temperature weighs 8.329 pounds. If you were to lose a gallon’s worth of water, you would need to drink 16 cups of water to replace it. Every pound of water lost means it should be replaced by 1.92 cups of water. Although try telling that to the person that weighed themself both after their run and their time in the sauna.

We are mostly water; except that…..

Some people are mostly fat. The most under-appreciated of all of our organ systems does many things, from creating insulation from the elements be them cold or hard, or both. They regulate hormone production and even store energy for later use. One thing that fat does not do is hold water. Fat is hydrophobic which is a fancy way of explaining why your salad dressing needs to be shaken before serving as the vinegar (old water) and olive oil (Grecian fat) will otherwise separate. 

This means that the more fat you have the less water you can hold. This means that men generally have a higher water percentage than women and that water introduced into the body will be flushed out of the body faster in those with higher body fat percentages as it has fewer options for storage; a fact of biology not yet remedied by the availability of bathrooms.

The Dry Bitter End

We are mostly water, well most of us are mostly water; so what, what does that mean?

I mostly don’t know 

What I do know is that I once passed out on a plane after a short trip to Las Vegas where I ate little and walked outside a lot as the scorching desert air quietly drank me down. 

I was dehydrated and as I attempted to seek refuge in the plane bathroom after I started not feeling well on my trip home, I passed out. I woke up with a lot more leg room spilled onto the floor as I was and started drinking from the cup of orange juice handed to me by a flight attendant. It took many more cups of oj and water before I felt normal again.

Even a modest loss of water, 1-2% can hinder athletic performance. At 3% you will likely begin to get thirsty and possibly fatigued. At as low as 5% you can begin to feel some of the symptoms of dehydration: headache, dizziness, queasiness and fatigue. At 8% you can lose consciousness and at 15 - 25% you can die.

So how can you tell if or how dehydrated you are? Well apart from any of the symptoms mentioned there is no shortage of internet generated tests. For example there is the skin turgor test which involves pinching the skin on the back of your hand and checking to see if the crease remains once un-pinched. There is some logic here based on the hydration of the skin itself but it is imprecise and clearly does not take into account the range of skin elasticity resulting not from hydration but age. There are of course blood and urinalysis tests which would provide the most definitive proof though to truly gauge current hydration levels, results would need to be compared to a baseline since we don’t all hold the same amount of water. Muscle cramps and salt cravings can also be a sign of dehydration though those symptoms speak more to an electrolyte imbalance. However, electrolytes lost through sweating are still exiting your body via water. Muscle cramps are also the first stage of a heat illness. High heat and low water are two heads of the same Gatorade bottle cap and there are only two other stages, chronologically heat exhaustion and heat stroke. The latter of which, if not remedied by rapidly cooling the body, will result in death having converted your skull to a pressure cooker within which your brain has cooked. Zombies, please stop drooling; it’s making everyone around you nervous.

Unscientific as it may sound, the best way for most people to gauge hydration levels is to check out their pee. Clarity and color are important factors with the ideal being very pale and clear, an indication that you have so much water that you are literally pisssing it away. Perhaps if the Vegas hotel toilet had been any color but black, I may have noticed what I was excreting was likely more apple cider than lemonade. 

However you lose it, if you don’t replenish your fluid, you will pass out. When you wake-up and no one rehydrates you, maybe you pass out again and eventually if not treated you will die. After that you will be mostly formaldehyde and I guess that’s the point. We are mostly water because it beats the alternative. 

So when you drink water, drink once for your health. Drink more if you have been sweating with futility in the humidity or invisibly in the desert and drink again for the zombies that will eventually eat you. Just dont drink right from the jug.

The Rockstar at the Front of the Class

David Lee Roth can’t sing.  Now please allow me to qualify that statement with two more bits of information.  1.  He still can and does make an impressive racket if not always a tuneful one.  And 2. I love David Lee Roth.  I know my original statement only adds fuel to the fire of his long contrived tenure as the frontman for Van Halen and by all other accounts in that band, he does in fact suffer under the influence of LSD: lead singer disorder.  An ailment defined by both the ego and the flaunting of said ego by said lead singers.  That of course though is merely an internal problem challenging those band members behind him but LSD to those in front of the front person may be viewed as charisma, showmanship and maybe even simply a display of the actions that define the term rockstar.  Make no mistake, the rockstar persona of DLR sold a lot of records so we must contend with the success lacing the LSD.

In many ways gyms have fallen under the same spell as DLR’s fans and they are always on the hunt for rockstar instructors to lead their classes believing  if they do, their classes will develop a following and be successful. 

The allure of the literal rockstar is embedded not so much in their talent but their promiscuity.  It is that promiscuity that made many men want to be DLR. For those unconvinced, DLR would deal with the occasional male outlier heckler by retorting to whatever insults hurled at him with “shut up before I go down their (into the seats) and fuck your girlfriend”.  Please note that what is left unsaid and part of the real threat is that he would emasculate his heckler not simply through a sexual act with his girlfriend but by his girlfriend wanting to engage in said sexual act.  In this sense DLR weaponsided not sex but lust.  

A group exercise instructor characterized as a rockstar leading a class is often (if inadvertently) weaponizing envy.  This kind of rockstar embodies the physique that patrons covet and by virtue of some brand of logic, the one that possesses the body they want to achieve, is the most fitting instructor to lead the class one might be attending in an effort to change their body.  This logic is forged in the hope that the instructor is going to share their secret which is always the same information but with new promise and credibility seeping out of enviable packaging. Even if the rockstar does not share their secrets then perhaps they will shame participants into feeling bad enough about themselves to spur change. This is thought to be an effective tactic since simply hating one’s body by oneself is often not enough of a motivator to change if ever self loathing breeds anything beyond self loathing.  My insdusty is a continuously blowing a dog whistle summoning all of the self loathers within earshot to seek shelter in the hope of a body of impenetrable confidence even if the hope it inspires muffles the logic that there is not much that makes a rockstar that can be taught anymore than one’s DNA can leap from their cells and begin spilling their ancestral guts into our envious heredity. 

  Either way this rockstar can conjure worship but not engagement; followers not communities.  This of course is not to say every hard body is incapable of such achievements but to simply acknowledge all that can get in the way of engagement and communities. Low body fat percentages and prominent muscles, after all, are easy to spot and unfortunately easier to spot than the sometimes silent attention of engagement or the slow evolution of communities. That is also to say that the concepts behind developing engaging and cultivating communities will often likely take a back seat to the allure of envy.  It is also easier to market envy than it is to market, well anything else, with the possible exception of fear.  The reasoning for this is twofold.  First, most marketing is visual.  You can give visual examples of fitness with less ambiguity than say engagement and community.  Secondly it is harder to convince people they actually want process and not just results.  And so the marketing focuses on the results and ignores the process and our best intentions and attention is lost in the mist of seductive montage clips; just long enough to inspire but not nearly long enough to convey the reality of the process it documents.

Appreciation needn’t involve emulation.  Take inspiration where you can get it but sing along to the songs you love in your voice, not someone else’s.  You are only ever going to be, at your best, the best version of you no matter what side of the rockstar you are on.

In summation, I do recommend going to see DLR perform but don’t use that time to learn how to be DLR; and maybe don’t bring your girlfriend.

Programming for Progress

Change

Most people go to the gym with the belief that they should workout but with little else to guide them in terms of what they should do for their workout or when to advance or progress any workout they decide to do. The results are that many people push through workouts that run counter to their goals and of course there are also many people that find a great workout and continue to do it long after it has ceased to offer any benefit. Both examples typically result in the same thing, which is little to no change. This is concerning since, regardless of your goals, change is always part of it. No one goes to the gym or pursues any fitness regime without some interest in changing something; be it your overall fitness or waistline, we are searching for the intervention to spur some kind of change.

So how do we develop effective workouts? I hope to shed some light on  how small changes to any workouts can allow for the continued progress we are looking for.

The Program

The program is what you are doing and since there's an endless variety of options to choose from, I have developed some rules to help guide you.

1. Any exercise is most likely better than no exercise.

2. Though not all exercises are created equally, all have pros and cons worth exploring before engaging in.

3. Consider the difference between what is the best form of exercise and what is the most effective.

1. Best is a classification applied to a specific agenda, not a specific person. Hint: agendas often read like Google searches.

Example Agendas 

Best exercise routine for boosting metabolism

Best exercises for strengthening your arms

Best exercises for a bigger butt

Google any one of these and you will get lots of information.  If you were to take the time to thoroughly analyze all of the information, you may establish some overlapping or repeated concepts which, if only by consensus, may establish some criteria for accuracy but it in no way does it mean you have found your program because you are not factored into the equation.  You are of course very likely to be taken into consideration in terms of the advertising embedded in your online research but not the content of the research.

  You may say, but wait, I do have an interest in any of the example agendas listed above. I very much believe you but your authentic interest in any agenda does not mean that the programs that the internet or books spit out at you are tailored for your success. So now let's explore some of what I mean when I say tailored.

Most Effective is the culmination of multiple data points that are relevant to a specific person. Here is a list of those data points:

1. What is your goal and why?

1. This seems simple but is perhaps the hardest one.

2. How much time are you willing to devote to the accomplishment of this goal?

1. Not how much time do you have available but how much time are you willing to devote to this?

3. What equipment / amenities are available to you?

1. The most effective exercise for glute engagement is the deadlift. That fact is in no way relevant if you do not have access to a barbell and enough plates to create a challenge.  

4. What is your interest / comfort level specified equipment, space and or exercises?

1. Do you have any understanding or practice in performing the exercise(s) effectively? The best exercise for your butt can easily become the worst exercise for your back if not done correctly.  

5. What injuries, ailments and or health concerns do you have that may affect this pursuit?

1. Everyone has at least one of these, if you sincerely feel you don’t… wait.

The Progressions

The progression is what needs to happen after the adaptation to further more adaptation. The adaptations are the milestones upon which we work towards the change or the goal we seek. 

There are two kinds of progressions:

1. Linear:

1. Any progression that incorporates one objective modality of intensity which fall into one of two subcategories:

1. More Work

1. Frequency (more workouts)

2. More reps

3. More sets

4. More circuits

5. More load

6. More time

1. Duration

2. Time Under Tension (TUT)

2. Less Recovery

1. Less rest or time between sets and / or circuits

1. Nonlinear

1. Defined by greater muscular activation, coordination and / or skill.

1. Examples

1. Pushing

1. Push-up

2. Plyo-Push-up

3. Asymmetrical plyo- push-up (Ewok)

4. Complete body plyo-push-up

2. Hinging

1. Squat

2. Squat Jump

3. Squat 180 Jump

Questions About  Progressions

How do you know when to incorporate progressions?

If you can control the weight throughout the desired rep range or targetted duration then you must incorporate some kind of progression in order to continue to expand fitness.  

Which kind of progression is best for me, linear or nonlinear?

If you get bored easily then typically the nonlinear progression works best. If however you really like to spend longer amounts of time on things than the linear is the better option.

Can you do both?

Yes you can and I actually think this is the best way to train as it promotes more skill through the extended practice of movements while also expanding neuromuscular activation by offering more challenging movements. 

Incorporating Progressions

More can be a daunting concept as not all growth advances or progressions are perfectly linear and yes as we add more weight, for example, we will not be able to continue to add the same amount in the same intervals in perpetuity. At some point the weight will get too heavy, that is to say the progression rate is exceeding the rate of personal development or another way of saying that is the challenge will exceed the ability.  

The same can also be said for the conventional approach to running longer distances. You may very well be able to start with running just one mile per week with the aim to add a mile every week but that will not be feasible for every mile as all miles are equal in of themselves but not equal as they occur in successions. It is not uncommon to find plateaus or even injury as we begin to cross from 4 miles to 5 or 9 to 10 for example.  These are both of course examples of how the linear model is not perfect, especially if incorporating but one consistent modality of intensity.  

So what is the best way to progress? Well I am a big proponent of what I refer to as relative linear progressions which means that we are boosting intensity but always in reference to some comparative metric.

  Put into effect that means we can maintain the overall duration of the workout but within that time, do more than previously.

Examples:

In every timed circuit there should be at least one exercise you are counting reps for. I recommend it be the hardest exercise in that circuit. The point of counting is to give you a reference point and a target to beat.   You might be surprised how you push yourself when aiming for a target. Pushing through to maintain or exceed that target is a self-induced progression by increasing intensity as the natural reaction is to get tired and thus produce fewer reps.  

Another example is to maintain the same volume but increase the weight (which if maintaining the same volume will decrease the reps) and or attempt to complete the workout in less time. Volume is calculated by multiplying load (weight) by repetitions.  

The third option is escalating density training (EDT) which means that the overall duration of your workout remains the same but you attempt to do more circuits within that time limit.  

It is not uncommon when we think about fitness, specifically, our own, to forget about progress, especially since I may not have succeeded in making it any more accessible. Also of course sometimes the real challenge is not in always making the workout harder but simply in doing the workout, or any workout or sometimes maybe even doing anything. Thinking about pushing yourself to the gym and always challenging yourself can be overwhelming so in closing I want to leave you with one more concept.

The Rigor and the Ritual

I understand the seduction of absolutes. I know the gratification of doing the same things everyday. Those behaviors feel like discipline and discipline feels like control and control over one’s self is nothing short of intoxicating. In fact it plays a large role in the allure of literal intoxication.  But some days we will be tired and as scary as it may sound to allow ourselves in those moments when we feel like we are operating at only 80%, to only do 80% of your intended workout; it is important to still remember that we only get as far as the tank is full. More importantly, this approach is not one sided. As we accommodate ourselves on our less than great days, we, by the same principle, can do the same on the days we do feel great. As much as I hate the platitudes associated with percentages north of 100, there are times to push yourself. There are days to work harder.  Don’t risk better by  not knowing how to make it harder.

Goal Better

From SMART Goals to Atomic Habits there are many ways to direct your efforts in the goal setting arena and yet the goals have not gotten any easier, the achievements have not grown more plentiful and the fears of failure continues to loom over all of our best intentions for progress and or hopes for change. Sadly, when we fall short of our goals we are quick to assume that we failed and never consider that perhaps we simply didn’t have the right goal.

Why, How, What

Of the three components of goal setting, the “what” is the most alluring. The question of “what” is what inspires us.  It is what prompts proclamations and preparations but unfortunately, it also yields procrastination, plateaus and quitting. So rather than setting us up for failure, let’s spend some time considering the other two components of goal setting. Let’s make sure the “what” is supported, not neglected, by the “why” and the “how”.

Why Ask Why

The “why” of our goal setting can be quite elusive. It is, after all, easier to say what than it is to explain why.  I have been a health coach for over a decade and I can tell you that most people do not readily share their why. I believe this is because there can be a comforting emotional autonomy in the what that the why can never quite claim.  Whenever we address why, we will inevitably reach the emotional core of our what, this is of course also known as our motivation. Finding your motivations will inevitably require some digging.

To illustrate the relationship between the why and the what, here is an example I have heard many times before.

What:

“I want to run a marathon”

Why:

(After much prodding) “So I will feel healthy”

Seems simple and straightforward right? It's only five words and it has the word feel in it so this must be the emotional core I was talking about earlier; right? Wrong, this is only the first layer because it only addresses the emotion you want to move to, not the one you are coming from.  This is an important distinction because goals inevitably follow a familiar narrative arch: beginning with the before then enduring a struggle or challenge and ending in the after.  That after is the goal either accomplished or abandoned.   It goes without saying that regardless of results it will take time to move through this arch.  Thus the beginning emotion is actually what gives significance to the what you are striving for.  To simply say how you want to feel omits how you do feel which is, of course, is inevitably where you are starting from.   

Hard Feelings

Exploring this example further, even on a surface-level the what of running a marathon, though certainly an expression of health, is clearly not the only way to express health and vitality. Now if the what was to earn a bumper sticker that says 26.2, maybe then we can embrace the suitable specificity of a marathon but… we would still need to explore why you wanted a bumper sticker that says 26.2.

The emotional core of the why in this example, as it can be in many examples, can be a challenge. Emotions are hard.  They are hard to define, troubling to acknowledge and difficult to confront.  Unfortunately these are all also reasons to ignore the why in favor of the what. If pressed, what began as “so I will feel healthy” as the why can then dig into why they don't currently feel healthy and even at that, we would still need to identify the emotion that is being experienced as they are not feeling healthy.  Hopefully you are seeing that goal setting is actually an expression of emotional intelligence. No emotional intelligence? No SMART goal and certainly no sustained habits either.

Right about now you may be thinking, can’t a marathon just be a marathon without excavating my every childhood whim and adult ambition? Am I going to write about feelings the whole time? Allow me to address these concerns. A goal without a motivation is simply a statement without the means to be brought to fruition and a motivation lacking a real emotional impetus is nothing more than a platitude. And so no, a marathon ambition, sans its ‘emotional core, is not a marathon that gets run and thus not a goal that gets accomplished but yes I will spend more (but not all) this time talking about emotions.

Whether you're a runner or not, here is what we all undoubtedly know about marathon training; it is likely going to involve a great deal of work over a long period of time. This is especially true for those new to running but even for experienced runners, preparing for a marathon is rarely a short and or simple process. So we have to address what is going to help bring us through such a long and difficult process? If you are like many people, I am sure you have something in mind.  You have a powerful word already holstered and ready to shoot your way through all obstacles that lay before you.  What is the preferred side-arm of many goal-makers and all dreamers alike? Discipline. Yes if we are disciplined then nothing can stand in our way. When we are tired, sick and cold, discipline will drag us out of bed to go for a run.  When we are stressed, injured and feeling down, discipline will pick us up, smack some sense into us and push us onto the treadmill. Discipline is the catch-all, be-all antidote to our natural selves. And let’s be honest, we may get nervous and or disappointed about other people letting us down but when we let ourselves down; that is when we are at risk of guilt, shame and the catastrophizing and overgeneralization common in the cognitive distortions associated with depression. Letting ourselves down is high stakes and unfortunately discipline, however defined, is finite and worse than being unlimited it is short lived as well. A truth proven in every gym as February's scarcity contrasts January's abundance.  

I am not saying that there will not be some wins or some progress made in the name of discipline but simply that its days are numbered and it is not a reliable substitute for an honest why.

Processing

So if it is not discipline that will bring us through then what will?  How can we work to make sure any goal we make is not fleeting, futile or simply a fantasy of ambition? To evoke the work of James Clear in Atomic Habits, we must acknowledge that between the beginning and the accomplishment is a process and that process will not occur as a montage in a movie.  It will not be easy and yet it absolutely cannot be miserable because our appetite for misery is meager. Instead of dreading, please consider how we can actually enjoy the process. In fact I dare posit that we consider how we might proceed in loving the process.  Love inspires a more ravenous appetite. I know that in talking of love and loving what we are doing as part of the process we may already feel our interest in goals dissipating as part of the allure of said goal might be that its accomplishment is only empowered by the misery it took to achieve it.  No pain, no gain; no misery, no point? 

I agree that joy can be enhanced by misery but misery only overlaps joy in completion.  Meaning that in the Venn diagram of misery and joy, where they overlap is completion. No completion, no joy and thus the misery is just that, miserable.  Our mistake is in thinking in terms of completing the whole goal before allowing for joy when we would actually be better off breaking our process into much smaller goals, commonly referred to as a progression. This progression should consist of milestones or moments of specified progression that lead up to accomplishing the greater goal.  These small accomplishments on the way to your grander achievement provide encouragement and gratification.  Encouragement keeps you going and gratification confirms that you are on the right track and that you can achieve the larger goal.  This approach also allows you to experience happiness during the process as opposed to holding happiness hostage until you complete the larger goal.  In this sense we can argue that long term goals can be short-sighted as they do not take into consideration what will happen in the here and now that will help get us to the then and later.

This progression within the process approach also better aligns with how all change occurs which is in stages. I think the best example of this is in martial arts that utilize a belt system. This system of course is one of milestones but it also communicates the advancement not only toward the black belt but also the progression of skill that is expected in this advancement.  Consider the emptiness of achieving a black belt if not having passed through numerous other colors on your way there. Consider whether it would still retain any meaning if not accompanied with the advancement in skill you would expect.  Finally consider if any skill gained was not progressed over time but instead magically granted immediately.  Would you still value the skills gained if they were not earned but simply bestowed? Has there been anything that you mastered suddenly or only after a short period of time that you still value as a skill; that you still appreciate as an attribute? I am guessing no.  Part of our recognition of having attained or achieved anything is based on advancement and the progression that happens within a process.  Strangely we do not often think of the process necessary to reach our goals. We instead jump to the end and bask in the daydream of achievement but the end alone does not make a story

Like jumping to the end of a book to see how it ends or watching only the last five minutes of a movie, the ending is unable to hold any meaning.  The process contextualizes our ending, gives the ending a richness that allows for it to be rewarding. And so, a process consisting of milestones, benchmarks or simply specified progressions will help to contextualize any goal and map out any progression. I only advise that said progress points are written in pencil and not pen as the terrain of any journey is best appreciated in the journey itself and not prior our embarking on it. That is to say, leave some room to reevaluate. 

How Do You Do

As you may be able to guess, the “how” should be viewed as an opportunity to not only have milestones but also some joy in the process.  Once again returning to our marathons example, if you hate running I am not confident that this is an achievable goal.  Even if you have convinced yourself of a tolerance for running to last as long as the marathon, you still of course must consider how you expect to run a marathon without running to prepare for a marathon.  So we have to be strategic about the how or hows we select to comprise our process.

Any goal to some degree remains a goal because we have not already, naturally accomplished it and it is safe to say there is inevitably a reason as to why something we have likely long wanted to do has yet to be done. Most times it is because we know that the doing, the process, is difficult and when confronted with challenges we often become hyper aware of what we already need to do and in doing so the things we want to do move from the driver’s seat, to the passenger’s seat, to the back seat, trunk or left on the side of the road altogether. There are always other things we simply must do which will compete for the time, energy and focus for the things we want to do. This is especially challenging for caregivers for whom putting someone else's needs ahead of your own has become a routine necessity of life. This challenging reality will often lead to the fantasy of the perfect time or as like to call it, the church of ideal circumstances. I say church because the idealized scenario is often the altar we pray at. It is a comfort for our own ego to believe both that we cannot do as we please or accomplish at will because now is not the best time and also that there will in fact, at some point, be a perfect time. I do not doubt that some times are better than others and I do believe in the existence and scarcity of convenience but I do have lingering doubts about putting our faith in this church, alluring as it may be. 

If the goal only reminds us of its inconvenience leading to rationalizations about hypothetical convenience at some later time then perhaps we should reconsider our approach. We might normally approach our example marathon goal with the expectation of running at least five days a week. The quantity of five days a week begins to weaken our faith in our consistency and suddenly, as previously stated, we become hyper aware of how inconvenient that would be and so we go to church, the church of ideal circumstances that is and we begin to think about the life or lifestyle that would allow us to not only run five days a week but to do so without the guilt of feeling like five days of running is equal to five days of neglecting five days of something else. No one runs fast, free or with any joy while they are thinking about what they should be doing.  We are also robbed of the very important sense of fulfillment that comes with walking the walk of running if we are distracted by the other things we have not completed.

Despite pushing you out of church I will leave you with a prayer. 

“The Productivity Prayer”

By Matthew J. Mahoney

You will never do all of the things all of the time

At best you will do some of the things some of the time

With practice maybe some of the things most of the time

With experience maybe most of the the things some of the time

With expertise you will do most of the things most of the time

But never all of the things all of the time

So lighten the fuck up

You may be an expert in your field or job but maybe not as a runner and thus please note that expertise, diligence and efficiency in one realm does not necessarily apply to all pursuits

Here’s How

To help make sure your how offers the best path to your goals here are some guidelines:

1. Raising Funs

The activity you select must check at least one of the boxes:

Fun during

Fulfilled after

It is not important which one you choose but if there is nothing enjoyable about the during or after in your how… you will stop doing it.  Some things that can make the during more enjoyable is to “how” with other people. You might be surprised at the power of camaraderie even if it veers into commissary.  You may also get the added bonus of accountability in realizing that your absence will not go unnoticed.  You might be surprised as to how this positive form of peer pressure can carry you through tiredness, reluctance and  avoidance. You may also be surprised by how inspired you can feel by others. You may be fearful of comparison getting in the way of such an appreciation and yes, that can be a concern as nothing shines in the shadow of comparison but the best way to avoid that is to find genuine joy in the accomplishments of others and the only way to feel that it to love them, if only a little bit. These are of course all things which can not be done alone. 

There of course is always the option of reserving things you already enjoy for your how. Perhaps your favorite podcast during your runs, a glass of wine with your batch cooking or a good book while on the stationary bike. In this pairing, do we run the risk of our activity falling to our attention’s preference for the paired item, yes but please stop believing that all goals can be accomplished only with sole focus on said goals. If you find you run slower when you listen to podcasts, you can always compensate with other modalities of intensity such as duration or simply change from podcasts to music. 

1. Measured progress must be designated to specified milestones 

If you long to be a cocktail pianist (In case you are tired of running through our previous example) but still struggle to play the piano at all then we cannot simply implore the necessity of practice or hobble our evolution with the mere modifier of better, as in when I play better I will do such and such. We must define what it means to be better and break the concept of better up into concrete accomplishments. For example:

Directive: Learn to read music

Milestone: You can read, understand and perform all of the songs

 in a beginner level piano songbook

Directive: Make a list of 4 - 5 songs you would like to learn to play 

Milestone: Be able to play all of the songs as they are written

Directives: Explore how these songs could be altered to feel like

 your own.

Milestone: Play the songs you know with a proficiency that

 incorporates your interpretation. 

Directives: Record yourself playing those songs your way 

Milestones:List and make notes about each performance.  

Directives: Practice songs with focus on notes made from

 recordings

Milestones: Perform songs in a public space, music stores are great for this, 

people can hear you but they are not there to hear you. No booking, purchase or payment required but you will get the experience of performing while others are around.

Directive: Perform a song at an open mic.

Milestone: After performance evaluate whether you still want to

 accomplish your initial goal

1. Track Pack

We are always where we are but that inescapable reality does not mean we are always aware of where we have been.  Knowing that we have made progress on our journey can be tremendously helpful and so incorporating a system of tracking your progress can be a real game changer. One of the most basic forms of recording is called the “Chain Method” which can be utilized many ways but the best example is marking on a calendar each day you work towards your goal. If for example you make the new year’s resolution to work out more in the upcoming year, we must find some way (beyond our mere memory) to record our actions towards this goal so as to provide evidence of our progress and hopefully our achievement.  Imagine marking a red X on a calendar for each day you work out. A calendar full of red X’s is the best way to encourage more red X’s.   In this scenario it is important that the calendar be booth visual, meaning you can actually see it as opposed to writing in a journal each day that you worked out which will not be visually evoked or striking in a way that draws your attention to the collective efforts.  It must also be in sight, meaning that it is displayed in a place and way in which you do not need to work hard to see  the X’s. Think perhaps a wall calendar on a wall of a room you actually regularly go in. The last critical aspect of this practice is the action of making the proverbial red X must be ritualized. Ritualization means that the X is applied in the same ways and approximately the same time. This method will not be as effective if you, for example, mark all the days you worked on sporadically or just once a week. Marking multiple X’s just once a week negates the intention of the daily (or near daily) effort. This means that the marking of the X will not be attached to a specific effort carried out on the day you made the X and thus will not have any meaning. No meaning? No point. Though the action of marking a red X on a calendar may not in any way seem like a rewarding behavior but the absolute best part of being human is that we hold within ourselves the ability to assign meaning to anything and you might be surprised that, if followed as written, this practice will become something you actually look forward to.  It is not uncommon at all for the pride of a calendar filled with X’s to be shared.  Sharing your progress is a far more useful tactic or predictor of continued progress than mere public declarations.  Public declarations, whether made in real life or simply social media are often an attempt by the declarer to scare themselves into action by adding social pressure but it often ignores all of the aspects that have been mentioned thus far. I don't care who you tell your goals to, I care about the process, not the promises.  

Please note that there are apps that offer the same kind of chain-style tracking and can certainly be helpful to some but please make sure there are efforts put into the accessibility, ritual and display of this approach.   

And Finally…

I leave you with some potential bumps in the road of your process and how you might be able to anticipate and bypass them. Obstacles are inevitable and so get ready to anticipate and adapt. 

Church of Everyday Saints

The concept of “everyday” is very alluring as it brings with it a schedule, consistency, dependability, and most importantly; in one simple word, it also communicates invincibility. Invincibility to all of the challenges both big and small to sticking with a habit. Lots of great things can come from anything you do everyday. Practice any skill-based activity everyday and your skill in that activity will expand.  Practice mindfully everyday and it will deepen as well.  

Having said that, everyday is not always everyday.  Sometimes it is just most of them and yes you can still make progress most of the days, in fact, I don’t want to derail anyone but to be honest, you can even make progress some days.  Our allegiance should be to progress not to the trappings of absolute thinking. Absolute thinking is the fancy way of saying all or nothing kind of thinking, meaning, I either give it my all or no effort at all, or I either workout everyday or not at all. Absolute thinkers love the concept of “everyday”. 

Absolute thinking is very common and as I have indicated in my examples, it can be as harmful as it is beneficial. Absolute thinkers are searching for perfection not progress.  They are often more interested in being able to honestly say that they did something everyday than they are of receiving the benefits of getting better at something you’ve done everyday.  Most times they are simply seduced by a version of themselves that is in complete control. This is much like being in love with a ghost. Try as you will, I wouldn’t hold your breath for a box of chocolates come Valentine’s Day.  Falling in love with the version of you that will never come to be, since perfection is an impossibility, is at its base a form of self sabotage hiding behind the defense of simply having high standards.  You are not perfect. You will never be perfect and the time you spend trying to be perfect is time while you could have been trying to be better. If ever you feel tempted by perfection or under the spell of absolute thinking please read the prayer below.

“The Gym Serenity Prayer”

By Matthew J. Mahoney

I believe my goals are achievable and I trust that I won't let myself down.  I won't go to the gym everyday and that is okay.  I will start with the ambition of going some days and that is how I will foster enough trust in myself to work towards going most days but I will never go all the days because I am too interesting for the vapid impossibility of perfection

Amen

Accomplishment is Non Binary

An additional benefit to progress is that it is incremental as opposed to the rigidity that pass / fail (all or nothing) provides. At the risk of reducing everything I believe into one pathetically pithy phrase, life is not pass / fail. It is not uncommon for people interested in losing weight to specify their goal in terms of pounds lost. If for example your goal is to lose ten pounds and you only lost nine, is that failure? If yes then you are ignoring progress in favor of failure. It might be worth exploring why you prefer to see yourself that way.

In the End

In the end, all of our efforts, ambitions and yes goals will be heavily influenced by our drive towards authenticity disguised as discipline.  Authenticity is when our actions match our intentions. We may say we want to run a marathon because we want to think of ourselves as someone that runs and the marathon is what comes to mind when we think of how we can definitively prove to ourselves that our intention was in fact met with action. Its truth when we say it, its authenticity when we do it. Think about what you want to do and find the honesty in the why and the joy in the how. 

On Lifting

Moving bodies was not in the job description. However, it happened often enough that little was ever thought of security guards, making just over minimum wage, taking-on such responsibilities.  To be clear, the bodies were those of humans and the humans were in fact dead and within the context of a hospital, as in most places housing a dead body, it is fair to say that the worst had presumably already happened.  Nonetheless, even with the best of intentions and greatest of ease, there will be accidents.  

The reality is that there is no easy or graceful way to move a body and, furthermore, the term ‘deadweight’ is difficult to explain if never experienced firsthand.   If your time thus far has saved you from such tasks, I do hope you will trust the sincerity of the author when he says that the mass of a vessel, empty of the life it once contained, is truly unique enough to earn its own designation.   I understand if you might now be reaching for comparisons as you consider all the times you may have helped an inebriated friend home or an injured teammate off the field. Please allow me to differentiate the apples to the proverbial oranges you may be thinking.   If ever you have carried a living person, you are most often holding them as they hold themselves. That is to say, the still active musculature provides a supportive rigidity that makes the body no lighter or heavier in the literal sense and yet in the absence of that rigidity (after every cell has surrendered to time or circumstance as well as gravity) the body takes on an awkward, slumping and cumbersome form that is simply fucking hard to move.  And of course; all of this is why I dropped him.

I was fresh out of college at the time and now I am old enough to begin dueling, if only in the most petty of skirmishes, with gravity and time myself.  I do not recall his name but I do recall the sound, the hollow sound of his head hitting the floor after I dropped him.  Another security guard and I attempted to move him from death bed to the gurney used to deliver him to the morgue in the basement.  I remember laughing awkwardly as one does in the presence of absurdity combined with the ignorance of youth and the shame of a post grave mistake.

We doubled our efforts and he did get delivered to the morgue without additional incident. There were more challenges, mishaps and small tragedies and adventures during the rest of my short time as a hospital security guard but nothing lives in my memory like the death and transport of that first body and being unable to hold and move him.

I had always been a skinny kid, a characterization I write reluctantly, trading truth for shame. I did not like being skinny and the mere word itself still bares its teeth at me on the page.  But I was one of those kids whose joints seemed swollen in comparison to the stickly appendages that stemmed from them.  As late as sixth grade I had to hold the edges of the toilet seat so as not to fall in when seated.  I was skinny in a way that openly divulged every secret weakness I hoped to conceal.  The world in all of its cruel and casual interjections conflated my slender frame with weakness, fragility and because this cruel world harnesses sexism as its many weapons, femininity was also conflated in my slightness.  Nonetheless, if the world was teaching me a lesson I learned it early and well. I say this because though free of the ridicule that lay across the tracks in the more corpulent neighborhood, I learned to hate my weak body and resent a world that saw me as nothing more.  As a result, as soon as I could, I began the difficult work of changing my body, meddling with the nature that had stretched me to over six feet during the summer between elementary and middle school into a longer and profoundly more awkward scaffolding.  Any muscle afforded to me by puberty was lost to my vertical growth.   

I lifted weights with such voluminous exuberance, initially trapping my body under a netting of vascularity but failing to catch any actual muscle.  Over time, however, and with more experience, my body stepped away from its scrawny stature and towards a bolder insinuation of strength.  Despite choosing fitness as a career and eventually becoming quite knowledgeable in the field, I was rarely sought out as a trainer for anyone interested in getting bigger or stronger.  

By and large, men did not want to train with me.  My advice in such matters was always secondary to whomever took up more space in the weight room.  Imagine if you can, curious boys asking the strongest looking person (never me) in the gym for advice in emulating attributes largely delivered by little more than genetics.

Regardless, I continued to meddle with my own body and, always at a space slower than my most mild ambitions, I grew and, in doing so, I thought I had outgrown the ridicule of my childhood, the bullying of my adolescence and the dismissal of my early adulthood.  My newer rendition however proved exponentially calorically expensive to maintain and slowly I also began to surrender some of the leanness, which for so long bared the sole proof that muscles moved my limbs and not some invisible string, for continued expansion and I welcomed a body large enough to engulf my origins in its shadow.  Or so I thought. 

These changes did not remove a chip from my shoulder and despite the messaging of my industry, I stopped believing that any external change could ever properly subdue the internal conception we come to know as our identity.  I was, and somewhere in the permanence of my impermanence think of myself as weak.  The weights and the lifting were simply something that I was hoping would change the world's perception of me but failed to change my perception of myself.

Prior to my Mother completely succumbing to her dementia, she and those that loved her experienced months bearing witness to her degradation. Sadly, with that decline, falls became a more common occurrence and perpetual concern.   Near the end, those falls delivered her not only to the floor but to a confusion I struggle to explain.  Beyond the physical inability to get up on her own, the concept of up as a direction dissipated into the vapor of her disease. 

You begrudgingly accept the loss of words.  You hold back tears when names are lost as well, but no one was prepared for the loss of up as a direction, concept or option.  And so when she fell she could not be helped up in all of the conventional ways you expect to help someone up.  No, she had to be lifted and so when those times came I squatted low, gently maneuvered my arms under her, lifted her up off the ground and carried her back to bed.  She was still alive but the stability had left her and the body of my wonderful Mother slumped as if it had also forgotten it was ever a body at all.  That same slippery dead weight in a body still confined to life as I carefully placed her in the bed and tucked her in as she did for me when I was a child. 

I wish I could say we clung to keeping her in the house and in the faith of our own ability to properly and safely care for her as the best most option for her but it was probably more due to our overwhelming ignorance, profound stubbornness and unbearable sadness that kept her so helplessly close to us. 

 She slipped into a delirium she could not escape and some time soon after she was transferred to a hospital which began her ultimate demise and liberation from a life and body that simply could not support her anymore.

I have spent a great deal of my life perceived as small and weak.  I have spent almost as much time trying to obscure that perception through the diligence of my own recasting and I have done just about every exercise you can think of, lifted collectively thousands of pounds for unfathomable repetitions but I know now I will likely never lift anything as important and delicate as my Mother. The whole time I was trying to change who I was, only better prepared me to be what I have always been and will forever remain–my Mother’s son.

Lifting loved ones, be it a newborn child, sick dog or aging parent or sibling may in some circumstances be heavier or lighter than you expected or prepared for but it is never a weight we carry lightly.  We hold and carry their weight and the responsibility we feel for them together.  The burden of love is not one that can be thrown around, slammed or dropped.  It is not moved in the belly of grungy gyms or posh exercise clinics. We hold that precious weight and ourselves together because it is what holds us together. 

I still work out and still lift and I know by the strictest definitions of the term I will continue to get stronger until at some point I don't, but I will never feel weak again.  

My newest client is a woman who just became a grandmother.  Her fitness goal is to be able to pick her grandchild up off of the floor.  

In the Absence of Process

The long, slow hours with nothing to do but read were probably the best part of the job.  Sadly that best part was easily outmatched by the worst, if not in duration, certainly in severity.  The worst parts were spontaneous, violent and scary.   I was a security guard at a hospital for a short to long period of time. I have grown incapable of accounting for how long now many years removed.  I learned a great deal from the books I read there and even more from the persistent recurring calamity of broken people chasing their demise.  Eventually I learned enough from the worst parts to move on.

Being a security guard in a hospital is like being the opposite of a bouncer.  Bouncers kick drunk people out of bars.  We are not allowed to kick drunk people out of the hospital and instead are charged with keeping them from leaving. This strange tipsy void under medical care is what became of the police-controlled proverbial “drunk tank” after it was learned that the most severe of alcoholics can quickly plunge into an equally severe detox which can involve sickness, seizures and death.  The hospital, with its doctors and such, was a better option for the majority of the parties involved.  The security guards responsible for the supervision of said drunk people comprise the minority.  Many of these patients did not want to stay in the hospital but were unable to leave until legally sober.  Many spat and swore and some tried to fight their way out, see opening paragraph. Those that fought, by some invisible empowerment bestowed upon security guards, were strapped down to the bed; making their stay not only mandatory but also something additionally worse that ranged from demoralizing to traumatizing and from time to time amidst the overpowering odor of their liquid demolition, you caught the sense that you were torturing people.

Second to the alcoholics, and mind you, this was pre opioid-epidemic time, were men under the urging of two specific solicitors. Not that I would or should put this on any resume but I have helped to strap-down numerous steroid and cocaine addled men.  This happened often enough that I began to wonder why this specific combination of drugs?  How did steroids and cocaine join forces to become the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup of bad ideas?

The Steroids Work

The steroids have only gotten better.  It would be great to say that all recent advancements in fit and physique are the result of our own evolution or at the very least through unlocking the secrets of training and nutrition, but sadly, this is not true.  The steroids have only gotten better, more prevalent and more accepted.

After my stint as a security guard, I worked at a gym adjacent to a single person occupancy residence that housed many programs, one of which was a non profit that cared for those in the community stricken with AIDS.  I am old enough to see the evolution of this disease from petrified demonization and death to accepted hope. Part of this turning point from the wasting away common in the dying of any ailment was forged by steroids.  Steroids were/are prescribed and used to slow down if not prevent the loss of lean weight.  In many cases this prescription did more than prevent the loss but actually transformed the bodies of its users.  There was one individual that frequented the gym and also happened to look like he frequented the gym despite his apparent disinterest in exercising.  His intentions were to sell the steroids he was prescribed. He did not lift.  He never lifted. He just did steroids and tried to sell steroids so he could get money to buy heroin which, according to him, is how he got infected in the first place.   The steroids are a catalyst in no need of a stimulus. They are both the action and the catalyst to the action.  The steroids have always worked, and now they only work better and have surpassed the necessity for the long held testimonial of lifters on steroids that the heavy lifting is actually doing most of the heavy lifting in their development and the steroids are purely supplemental.  

The Steroids Almost Work

Why get bigger?  Why get stronger?  Our modern society no longer demands either as a necessity for survival.  Perhaps the necessity has changed but not the messaging.  What is conveyed by a larger, stronger, harder body?  Is it diligence?  Maybe.  Is it capability?  Maybe in a sense.  Is it intimidation?  Yes.  But wait, is that really it? Is that why (most often) men lift and take steroids?  Because they want to intimidate others? Well… sort of.  You see, intimidation is the defense that keeps them safe.  Intimidation wins the fight before the fight.  Imagine if you will how the experience of being intimidated, threatened, attacked and or violated can prompt some form of adaptation.  Can spur some sense of defense.  As thinking, feeling creatures we can not make ourselves impervious but we can imply that we have done so.  The facade speaks for us when we haven’t the words or the will.  In a world that judges books by its cover, it should be of no surprise that we aspire to the hardcover.  Paperbacks; so easily folded, so recklessly thumbed through, marked, torn, neglected, lost, discounted and destroyed.  Given the choice, who would ever want to be a paperback?

The attempt to physically transform one’s body into something capable of intimidation makes no promises that said effects will also convince the mind of the same belief.  The hardest of covers still houses delicate and vulnerable pages.  Cocaine distorts the reality of this contrast, leaving its patron to suffer in sniffling grandiosity. The solution appears to be to lift the mind from insecurity as the steroids have done for the body.

Outcome Sans Process

And so steroids have found their niche beyond athletic enhancement. Steroids will change your body. But we are more than just our bodies. Does changing our bodies also change our minds?  Does the content of the book read differently when the cover is upgraded?  The crux of most motivational platitudes and also those that sell steroids (and yes also every personal care product that could ever afford advertising) all emphatically answer yes to this question and espouse the ideology of transformation from the outside in.  This is an appealing concept as it means we needn’t go to the gym and read, count reps and blessings, sweat and switch to decaf, change our profile pics and our jobs, leave our partners, donate time and money, be a better person or create any other form of active change.  It is quite seductive indeed to believe that one hour in the gym will upgrade all the other 23 hours in the day.  The concept of transformation articulated in its most remedial and visual sense, as the before and after, is incomplete.  At best these two pictures can imply a process and it is the process that changes us, not the result. We like to consolidate the components of process into the singularity of the term discipline and discipline is the driving force behind the development of patterns and the persistence of practices.  Yes the day to day practice of patterns lead to adaptations which you may feel tempted to capture in a selfie but it is not that documentation of change that is the actual change.  The change is in the belief.  So what are we aiming to believe in?

Faith and Trust

Faith is belief in something despite evidence to support it.  This is what makes the phrase, “a leap of faith” so bold; to leap without the certainty that you will land safely.  

Trust on the other hand necessitates evidence.  I trust you because you were there for me that time with the thing in the place.   We are aware of the challenge and process of trusting in others but we don't often explore placing trust in ourselves.  This is because we shroud this trust, this proof of process in the term discipline and then we use that same word as the banner to our ambitions and shortcomings.  The before and after eludes to process.  The process of all the discipline it must have taken to go to the gym, the number of days it took to go to the gym habitually and for that habit to create a change worthy of documentation and comparison.  We see that and wish we had that same discipline or we are dismissive of said discipline entirely and assume that there is no struggle.  “Well of course you look great, you actually like going to the gym, I would look great too if I liked working out”. Let’s side step a tangent regarding the fixed and closed mindset expressed here and instead maintain our focus on how this still falls under the rule of discipline.  A word that promises control and I do not care what anyone says, I do not care about how much you seriously want to get ripped or skinny, strong or sexy; what everyone really wants is control.  What we want control over is ourselves.  We just call it discipline and discipline is actually simply trust.  Trust in ourselves.  We trust ourselves to go to the gym because we go to the gym.  Now I know that seems troubling because if that is true then the opposite must also be true, which of course is a strange twin of logic that insists it is equally relevant.  If you don't go to the gym despite your interest in doing so then you are eroding trust in yourself to go to the gym. That is to say you won’t trust yourself to go to the gym until you prove to yourself that you can.  You can go on the days you don't mind going and even on the days you aren’t excited to go.  That’s enough to foster trust.  Discipline in it’s conventional sense will say “no fuck it, go to the gym everyday regardless of how you feel, that is discipline arrrghhhhh”, yes please shout this and then break something expensive to fix. Trust is not based on daily proof.  It would be exhausting if it was.  Discipline is thought to be the antidote to our guilt and the immunity to our shame. Stop searching for discipline and begin fostering trust in yourself.

It is that trust in yourself that gives you confidence. It is that trust that calms us when we are anxious. It helps us believe we can talk, connect, love, believe and also trust other people.  This trust is proof of your concepts. It is the strongest material with which to construct your identity. If you are a person that trusts themselves, there is nothing that will better equip you to be a loving, supportive part of this world.  Nothing will help you feel less alone, like being able to count on yourself. Trust is the factory that builds confidence.  

Arrogance is the assumption that you will always succeed

Confidence is knowing that even if you fail, you will be okay

The absence of this process-born trust, this earned evidence is the lingering vulnerability that may have led you to the gym in the first place.  The steroids work but it's not trust you are injecting and it is not courage that was also being snorted prior to ending up in the hospital being strapped to a bed with all of the lost men searching for solace in the shelter of their bodies. 

Change, which is the altar at which I pray (the most convenient of gods are those of inevitability) like most altars, is housed in a church and what brings most people to the church with that altar is often painful.  Like a razor blade concealed in the pocket, pain, carried long enough, will eventually turn inward and harm us.  The most difficult clients are the people that hate themselves, said pain having carved into them.  The conundrum of coaching is that change is hard and why would you ever work hard for someone you hate?

What we know is that the process takes time and time presents opportunities.  Opportunities to improve skill, we feel better about all the things we find ourselves doing better.  Process thus allows for progress to not only be achieved but internalized and acknowledged as abilities, not just external fragments.  It also allows for the opportunity to reflect on the changes we have created and to find a way into the bodies we build.  Without this, our confidence is no more connected to us than our clothes.  Simply an outer shell, a layer that though on us is not us and can easily leave as easily as it has arrived.  The things we earn take time and are part of the process and those things don’t leave as readily if at all.  

And so with a catalyst so effective it robs the subject of process, the outer shell, the hardcover defense of a bigger, stronger body does not actually change us.  It does not save us from all of the vulnerabilities that drove us to construct such defenses in the first place.  We are still exposed despite the layers, we are still small despite the stature, we are still not safe despite the artillery.  What now?  Where do we go from this failure?  Well I hate to say it but for many, more drugs.

During my time working as a security guard and years later as a trainer  I witnessed many attempts to align and integrate one’s mind with that of their body.  This is of course was often the very unholistic version of what we are all trying to do on some level; feel the connection between how we feel emotionally to how we feel physically.   We all inhabit bodies that we spend our lives trying on.  The drugs serve a function and hold true to their promise as they always provide something for the everything that is eventually taken away.  But as I wrestled with coke-fueled, roid-raddled weightlifters in the hospital I pitied myself first and later all of us for working so hard to clean up a mess that a lack of process made.  

The best part of the job was the time to read.  On quiet nights when everyone that couldn’t leave slept instead, I read the books I pretended to read in school and I read the books that helped me escape the place I couldn’t leave. The worst parts were grappling with men that had nothing left but the chemicals that brought them there.  I have never done steroids or cocaine but I was a skinny kid that always felt he had to fight to prove himself and yes I started lifting weights because that made sense. How much weight would I need to lift to gain enough weight so I would appear sufficiently unapproachable to anyone that may otherwise twinkle in the prospect of my harm? I know that question well. Decades later, I trust I no longer need to know the answer.

Amazonogram

Amazon is a website that sells things, lots of things, all the things.  Instagram is a place to post pictures, everyone’s pictures, all the pictures.  Amazon has facilitated the process of cultivating want and offering the means to satisfy it.  Unfortunately, you can’t just find something on Instagram, decide you like it, decide you want it and then buy it.  No, not when what you are liking are other people’s lifestyles and bodies.  I hate to say it but your trainer can't do that either.  Ah, you might think, but what about those trainers that train celebrities; I bet they can. Yes, those that have found their niche in training the small cross section of genetically gifted and enormously wealthy people are clearly doing god’s work and capable of anything; good for them. For everyone else, we saunter through the cold reality that we are not them.  We are not the bestowed, we are not the exceptional, we are part of the ever-quivering, ever-striving mound of humanity struggling for distinction amongst the masses. 

 I know, all of that is disappointing; and it's about to get worse. What that means for fitness and body image is that you, even in your best shape, are going to look different than someone else in their best shape or even their mediocre shape.  We don't all magically morph in the same plastic action figure mold once we are deemed fit.  Everybody’s body is different.  It more readily stores fat and muscle in different places. It is good and bad at different things.  Now I know this all seems so obvious and I know you know but I also know that you don't know.  You know this to be true when thinking of other people.  You will tell your siblings, roommates, partners, teachers and mail person this kind of thing and wholeheartedly believe it.  But when it's just you,  you and your body alone; you don't know.  We wish/shame ourselves into:

1. Believing that, sure failure looks all kinds of different but success looks just one way, the right way, the way you want to look. The way you know you can look

And

2. You will not allow yourself to love your subpar body or to truly experience joy while using it until you achieve the body you want. Nope, joy is for winners and winning looks like…. And then open up Instagram.  

Let’s pretend I’m wrong.  Let’s fantasize about being able to buy a six pack, your six pack, a rippling rectus abdominis, your very own tight and toned tummy on Amazon. Since we are fantasizing, we might as well pretend that in this scenario you are also a Prime member and this sextet of muscles will arrive within 48 hours.  If bodies were a commodity like say gold or oranges used to make orange juice or pork bellies used to make bacon,  what would it be worth?  What would you be willing to pay?  

Before you answer please take into consideration that if we put anything on the market it will be absorbed into the rules of that market meaning it will be subject to supply and demand and a hierarchy will quickly develop as well as the pay structure to support it.  This means that the best tummies will be the most expensive and hardest to get while the mildly toned, a bit cheaper and the simply lacking a muffin top being the basic and accessible price.  Okay so now what would you pay?  Wait, sorry a few more things.  This new tummy will be yours in every sense, meaning not simply that you own it but that you also own the care of it.  Your blood will flow into those muscles. Your brain will command them to engage. Your hormones will drive their behavior.  That is to say that you will need to take care of it and the slimmest and strongest of tummies can feel high maintenance if you are not acquainted with the lifestyle it has become accustomed to. This unfortunately means that the toned commodity you bought may not remain as such.  Like all our parts and like all aspects of our life, it will adapt to being part of the ecosystem that it finds itself within.  That ecosystem is your life.  Also I should mention it will be hard for you to use them at first since you are buying purely the form, not the function.  You can expect a few weeks of being unable to sit up-right, this side effect will undoubtedly be marketed as part of your rebirth as you will obtain the core coordination and function of an infant who is also meeting their new muscles for the first time.  You don’t get the function because all function is neuromuscular and you are not also buying the brain.  If you did that then none of this would matter because you would be a different person.  With a new brain you might become someone that didn’t feel like they needed a new brain or body in the first place.  You will have gone on a journey robbed of that journey, unconscious of your decisions and motivations for those decisions. If your  new body and brain is the destination of an invisible and unknown journey then your destination is nowhere.  Do you hate everything about you and your life so much that you want to have no memory or connection to it?  Do you hate your body so much that you want an upgrade at the cost of your identity? I am not here to judge so please answer freely,  

If you said yes, that you hate your body and life so much that you are ready to trade it in, then I honestly don't think your tummy makes much difference.  I mean no matter what you pay or how good it looks, do you really think that it, on its own, would be enough to make you stop hating everything else about you?  Probably not.  And so yes maybe you're ready for the full package, the complete upgrade, the literal new you.  All you have to do to get it is change your mind.  Right?

Losing It

     Let us begin with at least the attempt to divorce ourselves from he allegiance we often hold to be concepts and methods that are most familiar to us.  This is the first step in a discussion about weigh loss.  This is admittedly a dismal disclaimer but a necessary one since I believe the concepts involving weight loss are often misguided, incomplete and certainly in many, cases flat out wrong.  It is not your fault or anyone's fault for having developed a misunderstanding of this topic. There have long been numerous vested interests in connecting fiction to fact so there is no blame, and there will be no shaming.  With all that out of the way, lets get started.

        To start off with, weight loss, though a common phrase and aspiration, is incredibly unspecific and as a result obscures any promise it may seem to hold in terms of improving our health or appearance.  Unspecified weight loss is not rare nor is it even challenging.  We all both gain and lose weight all day, every day, or at least all of us that choose to consume and eliminate food from our systems.  What is hard and also more mysterious is the much sought-after fat loss. Though this is what is often being indirectly referenced in the use of the phrase "weight loss" it is certainly not the always the form our weight loss takes.   After all no one is running to the scale after a trip to the bathroom.  Why not?  Well because in that case it is clear that any weight lost in the bathroom, Olestra products aside, isn't fat.   Most scales do not in any way discriminate or differentiate between all the things that may add or deduct weight from your total mass.  We are composed of bone, muscle, water and fat.  No one has ever asked me how to reduce their weight of their water, bones or muscles.  My job as a personal trainer would be quite simple if clients that wanted to lose weight didn't really care what was really lost.  But I assure you that if in one's efforts to lose weight they only manage to lose water and lean mass (bone and muscle) the scale may deliver compliments that are soon erased by the mirror.   

        Basic scales are not equipped to deduce wether fat has actually been gained or lost.  Let me give you an example.  One of the best outcomes one may hope for as they attempt to "lose weight" is in a week they lose a pound of fat and gain a pound of muscle.  Why? Well because one directly reflects their goal and the other will help them to move closer to their goal respectively.  How would this progress manifest itself on the scale?  It would read as no change.  Please imagine how one who has worked to achieve this goal may respond to what many would regard as stagnation.  I believe it is safe to say that they would feel deflated and perhaps even lose the motivation to continue to work toward their goal.  This is common, as are the other possibilities of elation over a loss simply of water or devastation over a loss of healthy metabolically active muscle.  So what are we to do, should we just throw our scales out the window?  Well, yes you should, provided the window is open there shouldn't be anything that keeps you from chucking your basic mass reading scale out of your life.  I know the response to this suggestion so please allow me to share with everyone what you may already be thinking.  

"Well though my scale won't tell me what I have gained or lost, I know that I was at my healthiest when I weighed blah, blah, blah. "

To which I respond with the sad complicated truth; health and fitness is confusing and though it is absolutely tempting to reduce it to a number, such as, I am healthy at this weight, it is after all just a number.  Why is that we openly embrace the perspective of active older adults proclaiming age as just a number but weight, well wait a minute I don't like where this is going, because when you reduce weight to a number you strip it of all if it's baggage.  How is anyone to know what is good and bad in the world if we can't utilize an age old metric to decipher fat from not fat?

I have also heard the other argument which begins...

"But I once wore clothing that I thought I looked really good in, at that time a weighed such and such."

        Do you think that means that those are the clothes that you will always look good in?  Is it prudent to accept that styles change but our bodies should remain a rigid three digit mass for all of our lives if we are to live the healthiest lives we can?  Though I understand the allure of defying time's natural tendency to wrap it's years in thick layers around our midsection, it is not always fat or at least not always just fat that pushes the numbers on the scale north.  Sometimes we gain muscle, or bone and sometimes, yes we gain fat.  Fat that we can work our hardest to reduce but with the comparison between your ideal weight (high school) and your current weight (over) it is important to acknowledge that along with activity and dietary changes your weight may very well reflect the stresses you have collected since high school.  Perhaps your new normal reflects not only the doughnuts you regret but also the mortgage, children and job that largely comprise your life.   How many extra pounds do kids add?  Sorry I don't know.  

        I do know that I can't write a post about losing weight (which I hope you have already corrected to losing fat) without talking about diet.  So let's talk about the most dominant conception in fitness and dietetics; the energy equation.  The energy equation is the theory that as long as we utilize (burn) more calories than we are consuming than the deficit will inevitably contribute to a loss of fat.  How much of a deficit is needed to lose a pound of fat?  Glad you asked.  One pound of fat is approximately 3,500 calories of energy, for those long wondering but always too afraid to ask, a calorie is the amount of heat needed to raise the temperature of one gram of water one degree Celsius and technically should be referred to as a kilocalorie, some countries use that term, for some reason America does not.  So according to the energy equation, someone that requires, let's say 2,500 calories, excuse me, kcals, to sustains there current weight could trim 250 calories from their diet and burn 250 calories in their workout for a net loss of 500 kcals a day and if they did that for 7 days a week, well 500 x 7 = 3,500 which means that they would lose 1 pound of fat a week.  That is the energy equation and as you are reading this sentence I am lacing up my boxing gloves to begin punching holes in this theory.  
     
Round 1
         The energy equation makes the assumption that all calories are created equal which is like saying you can put either rocket fuel or gasoline into your car, whatever, they are both fuel.  Since I don't think your car is going into space, this of course is not true.  Kcals come in the form of one of four macronutrients which you may recognize as carb, fat, protein and alcohol.  We need a balance blend of the first three, alcohol's attributes lie outside of our metabolic needs.  So once again to reduce our energy needs to just a number is an oversimplification and excludes the acknowledgment that different macronutrients play different roles and thus we need different amounts of each.  A diet in which the 2500 kcals are composed entirely of either carb, fat or protein would be insufficient despite the mathematical accuracy of calories in and calories out.

Round 2
        Even amongst macronutrients, there is great variance.  Not all carbs, fats and proteins are created equal.  For example, both table sugar and oatmeal are both examples of carbohydrate but they are of course far from equal. So once again here we encounter more complication.  It simply isn't just a number, we must consider macronutrient ratios and even once we do that we must also consider the effect that different options of the same macronutrient will have.  

Round 3
        Nutrient timing.  What if one were to consume all of the 2,500 calories in one meal at one time, think Thanksgiving?  Since again according to the energy equation time is not a factor but in reality the combination of starving for a good portion of the day only to gorge one's self for one meal at night, though not uncommon, may result in weight loss but it will certainly not result in a loss of fat.

Round 4
        Even if the macro ratios are ideal for reaching one's goals along with the food choices, the deficit we create in our attempt to reduce fat, if too great can actually trigger our bodies to start storing fat.  Yes as advanced as we are our primitive brain's biggest fear is starvation.  If you are here, (and judging by the stats of this web site, you aren't) that means you have inherited the DNA of those that learned to adapt to famine, deprivation and a literal kill or be killed link in the food chain because.  Food simply has never been as plentiful as it is now.  Food is everywhere I even remember when gas stations just sold gas.  Now every gas station is a full deli / convenient store and thus starvation is not as much of a risk now as it was for our ancient ancestors.  Culture and technology, which has made food so plentiful, moves far faster than evolution.  As a result we panic when there is too much of a deficit between what we are taking in and what we are expending.  We respond to that alarm the only we know how, the only way our ancestors survived; we start storing fat.  We will begin this process by shedding that metabolically expensive muscle and as we in turnslow down our metabolism, so we are expending less energy, we ensure that the food we do eat will be turned into fat far faster than we normally would.  Yes our ancestors were fatties.  They just didn't live in an environment that allowed them to become obese. Those are the genes we inherited.  I estimate that a caloric deficit between 200 - 500 kcals a day (depends on the person) for most will result ina triggering of our starvation response.  

     In closing whether we are adding up the pounds gained or lost or counting calories, there is more to losing weight than just numbers.  The reason that trainers and dietitians have jobs is because there is more to losing weight than any one thing.  Losing weight is easy for some and hard for many but it isn't simple for any of us.  

Sweat Shop

    Workouts always have a beginning and an end.  In our busy lives where many of us are tethered to work by competition and technology both of which prompt work to flow past it's traditional boarders into the realm of always and everywhere, the concept of a conclusion might be quite novel and intriguing.  Workouts are a wonderful package in which we can; expend effort, obtain objective proof of said efforts, (sweat) and also enjoy the additional internalization of how we feel about the efforts to produce said sweat and of course entwined with all if that is the feeling of satisfaction because these efforts that produce those results have a conclusion which you can actually reach.   Unlike trying to respond to an endless deluge of emails for example.  Collectively I think of this as a formula for accomplishment, time plus effort plus fruits of labor plus conclusion equals fulfillment.  Without a sense of fulfillment how would we know if we ever accomplished anything?  If you doubt this just try to get a veteran fitness class goer to leave early before the class ends.  As a trainer I know they have worked out enough; I know that they should begin the recovery process but suggesting they call it a day a bit early robs them of that sense of accomplishment and thus what is the point?  

    So why do we do the workouts we do?  To feel good.  What makes us feel good?  Accomplishment.  So what makes us feel accomplished?  The conclusion at the end, yes, and the struggle in the middle, certainly, but how do we know we are struggling?  Pain and sweat.  Pain we will save for a later posting but today lets focus on sweat.  On some days many of us nay not produce anything more honest than sweat.  It is unbiased and uncontrolled and yet it tells us something about ourselves, or at least our bodies.  For this reason we seem to attach a great deal of significance to many of the bodily fluids we produce and certainly those produced under duress.  After all what is it that blood sweat and tears bring us?  Something worthwhile, something earned.  

    Humans' ability to sweat in the way that we do is quite an evolutionary accomplishment.  In fact refining methods to dissipate heat has played a large role in humans becoming what we now recognize as humans.  Walking upright took the sun off our backs and not having so much hair has allowed our pores direct access to air which means when we get hot we sweat not through our mouths like many other mammals but all over our body through the largest organ in the body, your skin.  We produce actual droplets of water rather than the vapor of mouth sweaters (think dogs and cats) and so when that water hits the air (unless the air is too hot or humid) it will evaporate and when it evaporates it creates a cooling sensation which of course is the point.  If it is too hot and or humid than the sweat will not evaporate.   It will simply slide off our bodies and land on the mat or on the floor and eventually it will evaporate cooling said floor or mat instead of you.  Or it will be sucked up from the atmosphere of the room by way of a dehumidifier.  In such conditions the body has no other way to cool itself down so you will continue to sweat despite the futility until of course the activity that is creating the heat ceases and thus your body temperature begins to return to normal.  That or you run out of water to sweat and you die of heat stroke.  There are classes and fitness trends, and even clothing that have embraced this dangerous game of reverse chicken where body temperature increasing from activity and water decreasing from trying to compensate for said activity travel further and further apart; the greater the distance between them the greater the chance one will suffer from a heat related illness.  All of this often in an effort to lose water weight for a competition that requires a weigh-in, or to maximize our sense of accomplishment with the hope that we are not also endangering our lives.  I remember in the first gym I worked at there was a scale in the cardio room and frequently throughout the day someone would weigh themselves before and after their workouts.  If a pound or more was lost than I would inevitably be alerted to this triumph from the sheer exuberance of the person on the scale, who, as many people do, confused a loss of water for a loss of fat.  Had they realized that the before and after measurement actually indicated the need to replace the missing pound(s) with water, they might not have been as excited.  This is an old idea though that still exists today, only now we have replaced the idea of sweat leading to fat lost (imagine actually sweating out fat, gross) with sweating now equals the release of toxins and as you may have guessed the more you sweat the more toxins you are ridding yourself of.  Once again we run into a vague yet alluring notion which at its root simply put means that through our own controlled efforts we can better ourselves.  Now this of course I agree with but how do we know we are getting better instead of just wetter.  Do we examine the sweat for toxins and marvel at that which was once "polluting" us from the inside is now outside where it can't hurt us?  Do we still weigh ourselves and whether we are thinking of water lost or regretful midnight ice cream splurges gained, measure our progression toward better in the numbers framed between our big toes?

    The more sweat we produce the more we may feel we have accomplished.  Time plus effort plus sweat plus conclusion equals fulfillment.  The more we sweat the more that had been accomplished, the more fulfilled we feel.  As a result if this phenomenon there has been a disturbing trend in the fitness industry in which the temperature of the workout areas has increased, especially in fitness class studios.  Hot Yoga is the best example of this trend in which temperatures can range from 90 to as high as 117 degrees and just in case the tone eludes you it is the humble opinion if this fitness expert that exercising in temperatures and humidity that high is not only dangerous but futile.  In order to keep up with the water lost you would likely be drinking the entire time you are exercising which means in order to continue drinking through downward dog you would actually need to drink like a dog.  Sounds awesome, yay fitness.

    I am however aware of the allure.  I have seen the Rocky films.  I have sweat the sweat and soaked the mat, lifted the weight, wiped my brow, run the race and questioned the effectiveness of my own deodorant; yes I get it.  I am aware of the profound spell mere exposure to this simple solution of salt and water can have on us and on me included.  But we must always strive for a balanced perspective.  For every viewing of the Rocky films we must also address the seriousness of repeated trauma to the the head. With every small droplet or sopping heaving mess of sweat we need a sip(s) of water to return us to equilibrium.  And for every poem about perseverance, effort, and blood sweat and tears, there must be a public service announcement reminding people that when we sweat we are not producing the tangible evidence of our efforts; we have not been purged of our sedentary sins and have certainly not eliminated toxin from our bodies.  We have attempted to cool our bodies down because that is what our bodies do when they get hot.  For every wrestler that has run on the treadmill in a sauna suit, for every boxer that has shadow boxed in a sauna and every treadmill runner that has kept their hoodie on while working out, your life is going to end someday as all of ours will.  We will all turn to dust and all that water loss is drying you out faster.  Work hard, if you sweat drink and if you sweat a lot drink more but remember you are bigger than the puddles you create.  Your effort will not be measured in liters and pounds.  You are getting "better" when you begin to take care of your body and treat yourself better.  

Life as an "Equator"

        Imagine if you will two things.  First your dream car.  It can be any car you want but be precise.  What kind of car is it? Make, model, year, color?  Finally how much does it cost?
        Second, visualize the body of someone whose physique you may covet.  It can be an athlete or actor/actress or even a neighbor but once again be specific.  What kind of arms and legs does that person have?  Are they skinny, strong, ripped or curvy?  What do their abs look like: taught, toned or washboard?
        Good, now hold onto those images and we will get back to them in a moment.
        One may not formally learn math until they begin school but the ability to equate often precedes even preschool.  This food equals this taste, that behavior elicits that response.  Needless to say by the time we reach adulthood we are prolific "equaters. " Though advertising specializes in the practice of equating, (think connecting a certain kind of toothpaste with a certain smile) the problem is that not everything can be equated so simply. Not everyone that uses said toothpaste will achieve the same glowing smile.  Results do in fact vary.  So let's get back to the car of our dreams and the coveted physique.  The car is easy.  If you want it, and you can afford it, than you can have it. Why?  They probably made more than one and they are probably all made exactly the same way.  Simple.  The same however is not true for people and certainly not physiques be it admirable or loathsome.  This is because even though genetically we are all so remarkably similar, how those genes express themselves is wondrously varied.  Though it may be tempting to simply equate the exercise routine and diet of the person whose physique you admire with the achievement of their admired assets, this is not an accurate equation.  Once again, results may vary.
        Let's say you were imagining someone with only 10 percent body fat, that often is the percentage for men when a "six pack"may be evident (for women 10 percent is well below the essential fat barrier, below the minimum amount of fat needed to sustain health).   Even if you were to have that exact same body fat percentage, you would look different.  Why?  Well because we are all different.  Just because the percentage may be the same it doesn't mean that the amount of fat is the same unless you are exactly the same weight.  Even if you were exactly the same weight and body fat percentage surely you would still have to take into account the difference in height and yes even if the percentage, weight and height were the same you will still have to contend with the difference in skeletal weight and body frame as well as limb length; not to mention the fact that even if you were to have the same amount of fat it certainly doesn't mean you are going to put that fat in the same places.
        I began working out innocently but ignorantly thinking that the math was so simple.  If you did the workouts and ate the diets of bodybuilders than you too, in time, would look the same way.  The sad truth is that even if I were to have taken the same steroids as those body builders, I would not have looked as they did. This does not always equal that.
        And yet we are still inundated with books, articles and videos (and yes blogs to) outlining the exercise programs that work for (often already physically appealing) celebrities and the routines of already genetically gifted athletes.  There are no secret exercises or foods that work for everybody.   Worse yet all these false equations keep us from asking the harder question which is, what would work for me?
        It is okay of course if you don't know what works for you, most people don't, even the people that think they know, don't really know.  Trust me in my line of work I see a whole lot of people trying to cram their square peg bodies into round holes.  No one ever tells us what sports we are going to excel at and what sports we will struggle with.  It is unlikely someone will ever tell us what exercises are going to bring us towards our goals the quickest and which ones may create a heightened risk of injury based solely on the physical make-up of our uniquely designed bodies.  As a result whenever there is an article that advertises the proponents of High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) for example, we are susceptible to the notion that HIIT is where it is at and all we need is an interval timer and some burpees and six pack here we come.  Well yes there are many proponents to HIIT, it is probably the best way to boost metabolism and yes increasing one's metabolism can be a helpful aid to reducing body fat but that certainly does not mean that everybody interested in losing fat should be doing HIIT.   Let me give you an example.  If one were to speed up their metabolism though HIIT or other means but not increase the frequency of their eating to accommodate said increased metabolism that could actually result in an increase in body fat.  I will write more on matching eating to your workouts in another post.  Another example would be beginners doing high intensity anything.  This could also result in a gain in body fat if one is not not properly recovering or worse it could certainly lead to injury and perhaps some embarrassment.
        I urge you, the reader, and everyone to remember that exercise and nutrition advice can be like a shirt labeled "one size fits all" though most do in fact "fit" in it there probably aren't too many of those people that look or even feel good in it.
        Finally I understand it is human to admire the bodies of others and from time to time want them for ourselves but before we go hankering for hugeness or wishing our waist away please don't forget what you looked like at your healthiest.  Look back on what your own achievements have been, think about your own muscles and fat and allow that to be your context for self improvement because trying to attain the unattainable will not make you happy and if you're not happy than you're not healthy.  Good luck.

Unfit to Assume

       I would like to begin by telling you what you don't want to hear, and that is of course the truth.  The truth is fitness is invisible.  As much as we like to believe it resides in the biceps or the slimness of one's waist; as much as we may be looking for it in magazines, the silver screen or mirrors and despite our best efforts to chase it; it remains invisible to the naked eye.
        I didn't always feel this way.  I, like many people, at one time had made assumptions as to the athletic ability of people I met.  Now it just so happens that in my line of work I do get to actually see people be athletic and so as I made my assumptions as new people entered my class and I would inevitably get to see how wrong I was.  I had made my assumptions as most do, based purely on how they looked.  You think I would have been immune to this obvious prejudice since I was certainly not a fan of being on the other end of it.
        I began my career as a personal trainer working along side a veteran trainer that was nearly double my size and appeared to have exchanged the customary flesh and bone of average humans for carved marble.  In addition to this remarkable feat he was also a horrible trainer that I would come to learn routinely gave horrible advice to his patrons and was even a strong advocate for wrapping his pudgier clients's midriff in plastic wrap to aid in the reduction of abdominal fat.  In case it is not clear by my tone, laminating one's torso is only advisable if the client's goals include developing a heat rash and passing out from overheating; once revived the client will awaken to the same amount of belly fat present before the plastic wrapping.  Nonetheless my advice and suggestions to gym goers were routinely overlooked in favor of Captain Marble's.  It soon became clear to me that my coworker was undoubtedly either naturally genetically blessed, artificially hormonally enhanced or simply far better at training himself than other people.  In any case I admittedly felt small next to him and ignored around him; not because I did not have anything worth contributing but because I did not look as if I had anything to contribute.  It was a frosting experience but sadly being prejudged did little to make me less prejudice.  Why?
        Well not only is fitness invisible but it can also be confusing, so confusing in fact that it is in our nature to try to reduce and simplify it at every turn.  There is comfort in the simple logic of connecting a physique to physical ability.  Trainers are far from immune to this desperate logic since if they are properly trained, and not all are, then they are trained in how to improve health and fitness while the goals of their clients almost always favor the visible changes that may or may not accompany such improvements.  Trainers, as a result, often struggle to fill in the gaps themselves and thus become part of the problem as I was.  It took me some time of watching those with large muscles fail epically and those with extra girth succeed with ease before I stopped looking for fitness in all the wrong places.
        In addition to my prejudgment I was also sexist.  When newcomers to class would ask me for guidance in selecting a set of dumbbells, having learned not to make assumptions based on appearance, I still tried to simplify things with blanket statements.  For example"men that are new to class should select this weight” and “women that are new to class should select that weight”.   This weight was often at least two pounds heavier than that weight.  Some would argue that two pounds is not a big difference in terms of strength expectations but sexism does not exist in degrees, it is either present or absent and in this case it was present.  If I had the world's strongest man and woman in class than yes I would expect a differential in one rep max and consequently a difference in appropriate weight selection.  But I did not have those people in attendance, I had the same people I always have, normal people that come in every shape, size and ability.  After consistently seeing no consistency in the different abilities of men and women coming to class I have learned when any kind of weight is to be utilized in a group session to advise newcomers, men and women, to select a medium size weight that I specify depending on the intended workout.  I always add the additional sentiment that they may always upgrade later on and that it will feel better to upgrade than need to reduce the weight.
        Now you may think that perhaps that assumption is still alive and well in regards to age, but of course you would be wrong as I was.  Although this is one of the lessons that I learned early in my career once I began teaching a class populated primarily with older adults.  Let me tell you, if you think grandma and grandpa can't do burpees, you would be wrong.  Given the appropriate progression age truly is just a number.
        I still have eyes and of course I notice the people that come to my classes except now I am looking for different things.  I am looking to see if they are properly dressed for class in appropriate athletic-ware.  Wearing the wrong clothes can possibly be an indicator that the person is not prepared or not quite sure what they are in for.  If someone is not aware that they are about to have a challenging workout than not only might they be wearing cut-off jeans and flip-flops for example but they may also not have eaten anything since lunch time which of course can present a problem if entering a 6:00 PM class.  I notice if they brought a water bottle for the same reasons.  I also look to see if they are favoring one side as that could be a sign of an injury (I always ask new people about any potential injuries or health concerns they have but from time to time people omit important information).  I once had a student come to class regularly only to learn 5 months later that she had been pregnant the whole time.  You don't have to tell your parents or even the father but if you are going to workout you should tell your trainer or class instructor so that they can suggest adjustments and precautions.  I look for inwardly rotated shoulders and externally rotated feet. I look to see if they are already sweating upon entering class, which might indicate this is their second workout which is fine for some but a mistake for many.  I look for kyphosis in the neck and lordosis in the back. I look for valgus or varus in the knees and elbows and webs between the toes.  I am joking about the last one; I do not teach an aquatics class so don’t need to consider webbed toes.  But once again I no longer look for fitness,  rest assured everyone in class, including me, will feel it soon enough, or perhaps until then just it's absence.