So yes growing up scrawny granted me the ability to slip in and out of handcuffs (a minor win if you have not selected a life of crime) and yes being tall is nice, unless of course your height tends to greatly exaggerate your basketball prowess (amongst strangers I was often picked first for teams I would inevitably and emphatically disappoint) but in a word my body type was often described as scrawny and I hated it.
Despite taking some time to find my athleticism I did learn to love exercise and even some sports. However, even though I never felt weak, it became painfully obvious to me that I certainly did not appear to be strong. So what do scrawny adolescents do if they are tired of being called scrawny? They go to the gym!
My ambition in going to the gym was not different than that of most people, I wanted to change the way I looked; and the look I wanted was that of a strong man. Though still a teenager, I was afraid that adulthood would arrive absent of a physique that properly conveyed the transition. A scrawny kid is one thing but the thought of never outgrowing it practically shoved me into the nearest gym.
I did not enter the gym unprepared. I made sure I did my homework which at that time meant subscribing to Muscle and Fitness and reading the Arnold Schwarzenegger Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding. Those combined study sources culminated in an exhaustive bodybuilding style split routine which despite or perhaps more likely due to my diligence resulted in the unthinkable. I actually lost weight. I did the program, I drank the weight gainer and instead of my intended goals of modestly Hulking-Out I actually lost muscle. What had happened? Was I truly to remain scrawny forever? I vividly remember wishing someone would just tell me what I did wrong.
Okay so enough of my dreadful story of origin. Let's flash forward to the present where I am still not what I would call a big person but certainly bigger and stronger than I was and undoubtedly an adult. More than that though I have grown into the person that could have told my younger self what I did wrong. In fact that is now part of what I do for a living. Sadly my experience as that person has taught me that going to the gym and achieving the exact opposite results than those you had intended is unfortunately common. Worse than that, when reality opposes ambition, we tend to assume, as I did, that it is all our fault. We didn't work hard enough, frequently enough or enough enough. After all it is often that general nature which brings us to the gym in the first place.
We look in the mirror, seemingly alone in our bedroom or bathroom only to find some evidence of our disappointment glaring back at us. It is these private moments that beckon us to make changes often resulting in a trip to the gym but the truth is our most private moments are shared by millions. The eyes we see ourselves with are the same eyes through which we see the rest of the world. A world populated by billions of people and countless images that influence if not outright dictate how we see ourselves. We are never alone, our thoughts are shaped and shared by and with everyone from our parents to supermodels. Before I even stepped in the gym my perception of what I looked like had unknowingly been influenced by all those body builders whose programs I emulated. Who knows perhaps in a world without mirrors I wouldn't even have a job but that is not the world we live in and even if France is no longer able to hire truly scrawny models and I no longer want to look like a bodybuilder, whenever we think about changing our bodies I think we should begin with really considering why, and why we are so quick to assume our challenges to create such change is a reflection of our character.
